Cinnamon's Spicey Life

I have sorely neglected my blog, and for that I am terribly sorry.  It’s not that I don’t want to write.  It’s not that I don’t have a thousand topics tumbling around in my head that I could write about.  It’s just that between my driving job, and going to school full-time (and all the blasted homework) I just don’t have the time.  But one of the great things about my driving job, is that I get to listen to the radio, and think about all manner of things as I cruise up and down I-75.  Seeing as how most of my round trips are at least 300 miles, that gives me plenty of time to listen to a couple of my favorite talk show hosts.  And this week, I was inspired to write this blog by something that Glenn Beck was talking about.

Why do the people of the world hate us?  What have we done that would cause them to want to kill us, and take away what we have here in America?  Aren’t we the most generous people on the planet.  When a disaster hits ANYWHERE, aren’t we the first to send aid?  Don’t we welcome visitors and immigrants from all over the world and show them what a great and generous country full of diversity and opportunity is all about?  And yet, there are plots all over the globe to “take us down a peg”.  There has to be a reason.

It’s simply because the people of the world don’t know us. Us, the American people.  All they have to go on is what they see in the people we send over to them.  Our Secretary of State, our President and all the other dignitaries.  The rich, the privileged.  And our military.  And when do they see our armed forces?  When there is trouble.  When they’ve been sent in to wage war, or clean up some mess.  All the poor and under-privileged people see is the war machine.  And the people who want to destroy us make sure that the propaganda precedes us.  They hate us before they’ve ever met us.

In the news, and on the internet, we see stories of our military showing the softer side.  Helping children, saving people’s animals…all those “feel good” things that we like.  What are the odds that people in third world countries are shown those pictures?  Not too good I’d bet.  Can we blame them then, for feeling like they do?  When all they hear about is how high the crime rate is in the United States.  They see how wasteful we are with our food, and our money. Heck, I hate us too for some of that.

We will never be able to change the perception of others.  Not as long as the people in our government, and the people in the other countries’ governments want to make us look like spoiled, ungrateful, wasteful millionaires to the people of other countries.

The American people are good.  I still believe that.  I see examples of it everyday.  I see the shit we do to each other too.  But for the most part, I think our people are still basically good.  I don’t know how long we will be able to sustain that goodness though.  We have to find a way to join together and save what we have here.  Because I also firmly believe that we are headed down the road toward becoming a third world country ourselves.  Better pray folks.  It may be the only thing to save us.

peace,

 

 

 

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I get the inspiration for my blogs from the strangest places sometimes.  This one came from a text conversation that I had with a good friend.  But it got me to thinking….and well, you know the rest.

My friend thinks he may be close to losing his job.  Is he low man on the seniority totem-pole?  No.  He’s been there for way over 20-something years.  And he is the only one that does his job.  Is it for breaking some rule?  No.  He’s always been a good and loyal employee.  Well, what could it be you might ask.  He told me that honestly, he doesn’t feel as dedicated to the job anymore.  And he’s probably worried that it’s beginning to show.  I could certainly relate to that.  And it got me thinking about how this kind of thing happens.

Having never spent much time at a job; except for my twelve years in the Air Force, and even that had a break in the middle, the longest I’ve ever worked at a job was when I was the Office Manager at a small real estate office in Cincinnati.  And even that was only for six and a half years.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to work somewhere for 20 years.

Most of my life has been moving from one job to the next.  Usually, it had to do with the fact that I was mainly interested in seeing that whichever husband I was with got to “be all he wanted to be”.  And this always ended up being at the expense of my own career advancement opportunities.  I don’t say that wanting pity from you.  It was the choice that I made at the time that I felt was the right one.  Do I regret that choice, that I made over and over again in my life?  Hell yeah.  Some of them.  Because here I sit at 55 years old, with no savings, not many fabulous earthly possessions, and getting ready to start school for a new vocation.  When what I should really be doing is:  getting ready to wind down from some wonderful career that I was wildly successful at, with a couple of homes and a large retirement fund, just ready for me to tap into and enjoy these so-called “golden years”.

So, in my case, I would have to say, “that’s my story, and I’m stickin to it”.  Mainly because it’s true.  So yes, I’ve had a lot of different joys in my life.  And 99% of them had to do with dealing with the public.  And trust me, THAT can be a real joy-killer, to say the least.  Other reasons that I left jobs include, but are not limited to:  shitty bosses, lousy pay, crappy hours, or too many crappy hours for too little pay working for shitty bosses.  In other words….any combination of any of the above.  Oh, and no benefits.  Unless you consider working long, crappy hours for a shitty boss and lousy pay a benefit.

I also have a tendency to get bored easily too.  Once I’ve learned a job, mastered it, and become the best at it – I lose a bit of interest in it.  I suspect that this is the case with my friend, and why he doesn’t feel the dedication he once did.  This is a guy who likes variety in his life.  He has a few interests that I am sure keeps him motivated to do and see more.  And at one time, I’m sure his job was one of those things.  But lets face it.  After 20 plus years of doing the same thing, for the same people it must get boring.  Probably two of the only reasons that he’s been there THIS long, is because they paid him really well for what he does.  And it’s one of the main employers in his little town.  And he’s one of the bosses.  So this makes him a pretty big fish in a small pond.  I’m sure that appeals to his ego.  It would mine.  I definitely can see the attraction.  But what now?  He hasn’t asked for, nor have I given him any advice on what he should do.  It’s not my place to.  BUT I am positive, that you my loyal readers, want to know what I would do right?  No?  Well, too bad, cause here it comes anyway.

The way I see it, he can retire.  I am sure he’s probably saved enough or invested enough to do that.  But I don’t think he would want to do that for a couple of reasons.  He’s still pretty young (relatively speaking).  Much too young for Social Security-type retirement.  And he would still be in the same small town.  Only now he wouldn’t be that “big fish” anymore.  I am quite sure that over the years he has been approached by many people in search of a job.  And he was probably able to help a lot of them out.  He’s been one of the most “eligible” bachelors in his town for a long time.  He would still be that, but any good-diggers out there would have to try to get at his retirement.  And the interests that he has: traveling, Harleys and horses?  They all take lots of money.  So, unless he has a HUGE nest egg, he’s going to want to keep working.  I don’t know if there are any competition companies that he could apply to.  If so, I am sure a head hunter could find him something, but he might have to consider moving.  I don’t think he wants to do that either.

So what’s left?  Only thing I can think of is probably one of the hardest things to do.  He would need to fall back in love with his job.  A job is no different from any other kind of relationship.  You have to “spice it up” to keep it interesting.  And like I have said before, this man loves variety in his life.  So I am pretty sure he has probably tried just about everything he could think of in the 20 plus years to keep his job interesting.

I wish him a lot of luck in whatever he chooses to do.  I personally think it would be great if he retired.  HERE in Florida.  He could live cheap, indulge his hobbies and see ME !  He could watch me go to school to learn a new career.  And then, cheer me on as I probably end up working for a shitty boss, pulling long hours for crappy pay !  But one benefit would be getting to see him !

peace,

 

 

 

I’ve been reading my pal Marti’s Friday Confessionals for a while now, and DUH didn’t know it was a link-up.  So I suppose……that’s my FIRST Confession

I confess, that sometimes I really HATE being right about some things.  I knew that I would be going to school starting in May; so I wanted to give my boss enough notice so that she could find someone to replace me.  The standard two weeks just wouldn’t have been enough in my opinion because first she’d have to find someone who only wanted part-time, and then she’d have to find someone who wanted to work EVERY Friday and Saturday as well as Thursday.  So, I gave her 6 weeks.  And told her that I really really wanted to work until the 20th of April because I need the money.  Secretly, I made a bet with myself that she’d find someone, and then just tell me to take a hike.  Well, I was right.  As luck would have it though, it took her until last week to find the guy that would replace me, so she only screwed me out of one week of work.  But, it’s pretty safe to think that if she’d found someone earlier, I wouldn’t even have gotten to stay that long.  So much for trying to do the right thing by someone.

 

I confess that although I dearly miss my dog Casey that died in January, I am falling in love with Miss Patches, the dog I got to TRY to repair the hole in my heart.  She’s a feisty little dominant biotch and I love that.  Most of the time, she even lifts her leg to pee like a male dog.  She just has to kinda aim it out the back.  It’s funny to watch though.  But if I yell at her for something, she falls on the floor and rolls onto her back.  So I guess she knows who the Alpha Bitch is….LOL

 

I confess that I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself for the next week or so until school starts.  I had planned on going home to Cincinnati for a visit, but it’s just not in the checkbook right now.  Oh well…  So, I will hang out here where I live and lounge by the pool and work out in the gym. Poor me right?

 

If you want to link up…click on the little girls picture above.

 

peace,

Cinnamon

    

 Most of the times that I post about things, I try my darndest to stay positive.  Even if it’s something negative that I’m venting about, or trying to draw attention to, I still either try to find some humor in it, or express my hope for a brighter ending.  I read something, somewhere that has just really got me thinking about where we, as a people; more importantly, as an American people, are headed.  I know that many of my Facebook friends get a little worn around the edges when they see my political “shares”.  Maybe I’m making up for lost time, I don’t know.  I’ve never felt this strongly about all of the bad things that I see in our culture, and our country, as I do right now.  Could I be called a political “late-bloomer”?  Maybe.  Or maybe things have changed so much that it has finally hit me upside the head and caused me to want to comment on it.  I don’t know that I will ever be one of those people who take the next step, and actually participate in a meaningful way to help bring about change.  I mean, let’s face it…I’d be an awesome target for anyone that would want to come out against me if I ever put myself in the crosshairs of a debate or public forum of any kind.  My past is…..shall we say, colorful enough that I’d end up spending more time defending or explaining it than I would whatever it was that I was choosing to champion as a cause.  No, I’ve always been more of the “power behind the throne” kind of girl.  I have wonderful and creative ideas on things.  I’ve lived enough to know good ways to do things, but I prefer to be that little voice in the ear of someone who could actually carry out something. So that is how I try to contribute. I send ideas to people, or contribute a little money when I can afford to, or make comments on Facebook to let others see what I think.  I’d like to think that there are some people out there in my “social network circle” that think I’m a pretty decent person.  And that what I have to say might actually make sense, or at least make them think.  So, if that’s what I can do to help…….that’s what I do.

But lately, I sit and ponder so many things that have changed since I was being brought up.  The way that things are handed to the young now without them ever learning the value of working for it.  The way that people who wish to take over the country and the world want to get at our children and manipulate their thinking; changing the truths into lies and the wrong into right.  There really is so much evil in the world today.  And yet, we don’t really see it.  We’ve become numb to atrocities.  We’ve come to think that exploitation of the young and innocent is just a price for being in this world.  And it shouldn’t be.  The people who I grew up admiring are now thought to be “out of touch” or un-cool or stupid.  And the people who claim to have our interests at heart – namely our elected officials are out for themselves only.  The power grabbing that is going on is enough to make most people turn off the t.v.  And unless you actually know where to look to get the truth, or at least both sides of a story, you can be manipulated as well.  It’s become easier for us to look to the favorite celebrity or talking head to get an opinion that we can embrace.  It’s too hard now to think on our own, to do the homework and dig for the facts.  And part of the reason that it’s so hard to find the truth is that for all the effort that we put forth toward finding answers to our questions, there are many more out there trying to hide those facts.  And if you have enough influence and money, you can have anything hidden.

So, I guess my question is this:  Is this where we want to go?  Do we want to be people who are told who to love?  Do we want to be led around and told who we should trust, and give our money to, and believe in, and hold up to our children as a good example?  Have we given up doing the hard things in life,  like:  punishing our children, and not taking the easy road to get ahead?  Is it easier to look the other way instead of doing what is right and calling someone out for something that is wrong? Is it really “none of our business” anymore?  And when will it be our business?

I know that I’ve told you about the trouble that I had with a certain “so-called” dog rescuer in the Ocala area.  What a piece of work she is.  And people wonder why they can’t trust others.  Let’s change the subject.  I want to tell you about a woman who I met on Wednesday.  She is the PERFECT example of what someone should be if they decide that rescuing animals is their calling.  I feel absolutely blessed for having met her.

Her name is MaryLu Kinlaw.  And she owns and runs (along with her husband) the Almost Home Rescue.  This their website address:  http://www.almosthomedogrescue.com.  Please visit it and donate to them if you like this story.  Any help at all would be greatly appreciated.

I felt like I was ready to start looking for another dog this past week.  I was taking baby steps by just looking online at the various dog rescues.  I even got up enough nerve to visit the local Humane Society.  And that always chokes me up and knocks me down a peg or two.  I knew that I wanted another Jack Russell.  Casey was so smart and clever and sweet that if I got any combination of his traits in my next dog, I would be happy.  So I narrowed my search to Jack Russell rescues in the Florida area.  Almost Home was a bit too far away for me to drive on its own, but it just so happened that my job was going to take me very near to Terra Ceia Island, so I called to ask about a particular dog that I thought could “need” me.  She looked like Casey so I thought she’d be a good one to at least look at.   I spoke with MaryLu about the dog.  Well it turned out that she had some “issues” but was finally coming around in her foster home.  We both decided that it would be best if we left her there to make some more progress.  Then MaryLu told me about a dog that she had that she couldn’t understand WHY she still had her.  She was cute and smart and loves everyone.  And yet, people would come to the rescue and look at her, and then leave with another dog, leaving this little girl to be put back in her kennel until the next prospective adopter came along.  She sounded really nice, but I was a bit skeptical.  Afterall, there must be something wrong with her if no one wanted her. Right?  I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I met MaryLu and loved her immediately.  She’s warm and caring and she lives and breathes her dogs.  She has rescued and placed over 500 Jack Russells alone.  And hundreds upon hundreds of other dogs.  She knows just what to ask a person.  And she knows her dogs.  And she knows how to play matchmaker for the two.  Then I met Miss Patches.  She looked just like her picture. She was a serious ball of energy.  She ran and jumped and gave me kisses.  She bounced from MaryLu’s lap to mine.  But she seemed to like me.  Always had to be touching me with her paw or her little butt.  I was still a little skeptical.  But I was smitten.  I knew it as soon as I saw her, but I wanted to fight it a little while longer.  And the one thing that MaryLu said that had the greatest impact on me?  She must have known that I was hesitant to get another dog, because she said, that because Miss Patches was all white (and Casey wasn’t) and she was a female (Casey was male) I wouldn’t be comparing her to him.  She said that was a big mistake that people make when they are getting a new dog.  They try to match the one that they had before, and the poor new dog never measures up to the memory of the predecessor.  MaryLu and I sat and talked about dogs.  We laughed, and cried.  I told her things that I’d never told anyone about Casey and how much I missed him.  And she got it.  Really got it.  People (most)  are very kind when you tell them that you’ve lost your pet.  If they are pet lovers they understand.  Your pets are your family.  They are the family that you can choose, and because of that, when they pass away the hurt is a special kind of pain.  It was nice to talk to someone who deeply and truly understood my loss.

Well anyway……………….Miss Patches came home with me.  The first couple of days were rough.  I think she thought I was going to abandon her like the other people who looked at her before had.  But each day that we’ve been together, we’ve become more in sync with each other.  She’s so cute.  And picks up things so quickly.  I can’t thank MaryLu and the Almost Home Rescue enough.  Now I know why Miss Patches was at the rescue for so long.  She was waiting for ME !!!  And I am so glad.

peace,

Cinnamon

And without further rambling on….here is Miss Patches

 

The weather is a little tricky today here in Florida.  Not that I would trade it for what’s going on back in my hometown of Cincinnati or the surrounding areas.  No way !  Right now the sun is out.  It’s muggy so I have the a/c on.  And hour ago, I was getting ready to audition for the part of Dorothy in “The Wizard of Oz” because the wind was that bad.  And the rain was falling sideways.  But like I said, some rain and wind is an inexpensive price not to be up north.  Besides, we need the rain.

This past week was pretty stressful.  But some of the highlights:

I took my placement test for college.  Above college level in reading and writing. Kindergarten level in math.  What can I say?  I HATE math.  So I will have to take some kind of fundamentals in mathematics when I start school in May.  The problem is that I need to carry 12 hours each semester so that the VA will pay for my school.  The math class carries no credit hours so it looks like I’m going to really be bogged down when I am just starting out of the gate.  By the way…..let me tell you something about going back to school after being away for almost 30 years.  It SUCKS !!!  If it hadn’t been for the financial aid counselor Mrs. Hardy who calmed me down when I was in tears the first time I went over there to start the process, I wouldn’t be doing this.  Of that I am sure.  It was all so confusing and overwhelming.  And when you are somewhat of a control freak such as I am…..the last thing you want to encounter is something that you have no clue about doing.  Couple that with the fact that all of the so-called ”educated” people at the school seem to look down their noses at anyone not on their same academic level and you can picture me trying to decide whether I should run away, or rip the throats out of everyone I came in contact with.  But Mrs. Hardy took me into her office and showed me step by step what I needed to do about gathering my transcripts and all of the other crap I needed.  One of the biggest things that wigged me out had to do with my name.  Because I hadn’t wanted to shell out the 57 bucks for a Florida drivers license, and because I just wanted to keep something from Ohio, I almost didn’t get to pay in-state tuition.  But because I had a car registration that was a year old (barely) and a letter from an employer (forged by me) stating that I’d been with the company for over a year, I was able to get over that hurdle.  And getting high school transcripts wasn’t a problem.  BUT they also needed the transcripts for the college courses that I took on base while I was stationed at a base that has since closed, AND the CLEP scores for some classes I took while overseas. I had no idea how to go about getting those.  Thank you thank you Mrs. Hardy.  I go for orientation on Tuesday with the rest of the new classmates that I’m sure some I could be the grandmother for age-wise.

Once again, my son is having problems with the stepmother in Virginia.  She’s very fortunate that I can’t just drive up there and kick her fat ass.  It seems that she has no problem at all putting her hands on my son, and talking all kinds of shit about me.  Grow up bitch !  You are the one that was sneaking around screwing MY husband, so don’t claim any kind of award for being a saint.  And the fact that your daughter has had her children removed from her care doesn’t show that you should be getting any kind of “Mother of the Year” awards either.  Keep your hands to yourself, and your mouth off of me. (sorry, I get fired up about it every time I think about it).

The Walking Dead is on tonight.  I almost don’t want to watch it because next Sunday is the end of the season finale and that’s going to suck big time.  I don’t know how we get by without our weekly doses of Daryl and the gang.

Well, that’s it for now.  Nothing earth-shattering.  Hope you have a good week !!

peace,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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So, I’ve been trying to figure out how to word this blog that a friend of mine asked me to write.  They are someone who reads my blog alot, and said that they had seen several folks put comments on and so they are looking for some guidance in regards to a matter of the heart.  Then my friend Marti put this picture up on Facebook just when I was getting ready to sign out and come here to write this.  Talk about timing.  Anyway, I’ve told this friend/reader that I’d put the story out there and I hope that we get some constructive comments on what you might think she needs or should do.

My friend, has been married for a few years.  She isn’t really happy in the situation.  She feels like she might have settled.  She was in a kinda bad place when her husband came along and she jumped at the chance to escape her life and pull up stakes and start over.  The trouble was, in her heart she knew that she was just running away.  She hoped that it was to a better place, and for the longest time tried to make do with her life.  She’s a hard worker.  Always been really independent.  Spent many years as a single Mom and always tried to do the best for her family.  She dated, and was pretty popular.  She had a couple of men that would have done anything for her, but the sparks weren’t there like they had been in an earlier relationship so she just wasn’t ready to give her “all” to be with them.  Then her husband came along.  She thought that she could probably love him and be happy with him.  Afterall, she wasn’t getting any younger and it was time to settle down from her “wild” ways.  Down the aisle she went.

Years went by.  There was no excitement in the marriage.  They didn’t really have anything in common.  But she was content enough.  Life was “just OK”.

Out of the blue someone from her past contacted her.  Someone that she hadn’t thought about in quite some time.  Someone that was exciting, and handsome (at least to her), macho, and just a real bad boy.  She’d had it bad for him when they dated, but she knew that she would never be “the one and only” for him and that wasn’t what she wanted.  She wanted to be everything to this man.  She would do anything for him……including share him, as long as she knew that she had his heart.  He never said that he loved her, but he said other things that always made her feel like they had a future.  When she figured out that he was probably saying the same thing to other women, she told him to get lost.  Well, here he is again.  And at a time in her life when there was a real need and desire for some excitement.  Life was dull.  It was all work and no play.  Her husband didn’t make her feel very special and they didn’t have much in common.  This man from the past asked if he could see her.  Just for the day.  And just to talk if that was all she wanted to do.  She had some time to think about it.  And dream about it.  And get excited about it.  They sent friendly text messages back and forth and caught up with what each other had been doing over the years.  She finally told him that yes, she would meet him.  But that she wouldn’t cheat on her husband with him.  It was just to get together like two old friends would do.  And he said that would be fine.

She spent the next couple of weeks before the meeting thinking about him.  And she caught herself getting really nervous and excited about the meeting.  What would she wear?  How would she do her hair and makeup?  He put her to bed at night with a text and in the morning there was a “good morning sexy” text waiting for her.

Then they met for that day.  And the minute that she looked into his eyes, it all came rushing back for her.  He looked the same.  And when he hugged her it was as though she hadn’t said goodbye years before.  He seemed to have mellowed.  He seemed more sensitive.  She was confused.  Was it because he was older too?  Maybe he felt like his running days were getting shorter.  Maybe all the women that he once had on the line had left him behind to his single ways and they moved on.  Or did he really and truly still think about her, and what could have been?  They had many things in common.  Like to do the same things and were so sexually compatible that it made her weak in the knees to think about.  The day was a blur.  They talked, they touched, they had lunch.  And then it was time to say goodbye again.  She went back to her life.  He went back to his girlfriend.  I probably didn’t mention her did I?  Yep.  My friend says that he has a girlfriend that is local to him, shares some common interests with him.  And they’ve been seeing each other for about three years.  But he says that there are things that he doesn’t like about the girlfriend.  He didn’t say he had settled, so my friend wants to know this:  Is she stupid to think that this man really cares about her?  Or do you think that he just wants to have someone on the side for some excitement in his life.  And that he wants to still have the girlfriend for his “normal” life, and my friend on the side for the “freaky” side of him?

I will tell you what I told her after I get some responses here.  I’ve tried to be as accurate as I could.  I sent her a copy of this before I published it and she says that it’s as close to what she would say as she hoped.  OK folks…fire away !!

peace,

 

Death has been on my mind lately.  Not that I’m dying or anything.  At least not that I know of.  But I’ve been reading lots of books with stories of zombies, and I adore the AMC show “The Walking Dead”.  My little dog that I’d had for almost  thirteen years died in January.   A person that I consider a good friend, although we’ve never actually met in person yet had his sister die this week.  And it seems like I’ve been running into so many people lately that have had deaths in their families or their circle of acquaintances.  Maybe this is a phase…..at least I hope so.  I’m running out of ways to say, “I’m sorry for your loss”.  It got me to thinking about the ways that we deal with death and how often we encounter it in our lifetimes.

When we’re kids, Death is not something that we give a second thought to.  We are invincible of course, and nothing bad could ever happen to Mommy or Daddy.  Sometimes we wish our siblings an early demise, but those are the thoughts of selfish children; and when pressed, will admit that we really don’t want them to get hit by a bus after all.  Usually, our first experience with Death comes while riding in the car.  When we get a glimpse of our first case of “road-kill”.  I remember the first dead dog that I saw on the side of the road.  I screamed for my Mom to pull over cause I had to save it.  She told me one of those white lies that parents will tell their children to soothe their fears.  She said that the dog was just “sleeping” and that he would get up and go home to his family when he’d had a rest.  I bought the lie of course.  I wanted to believe.  Kids always want to believe the best.  Then there was that dead opossum on the side of the road while us kids were walking to the store and looking for pop bottles.  It was so bloated and swollen we threw rocks at it trying to make it “pop”.  Yuck.  That didn’t really phase us…..no one likes a ‘possum.  It wasn’t until some of our calves and pigs died that we felt the first pangs of hurt and fear.  When a family friend’s oldest son drowned while at Seminary camp I really had my first taste of the fragility of life.  I mean, I knew him.  Our parents were best friends, we did every Thanksgiving together.  He was a few years older than me and he was the first boy to make me blush; all while playing a game of Password.  He was trying to get me to say the word “breast” and I knew what he wanted me to say, but I just couldn’t.  He wore this stuff that guys put in their hair and I can remember the smell to this day.  I even smelled it the day of his funeral….which was the first one I’d ever been to.  And for days afterward I swear I could still smell it.

After you reach the age of sixteen or so, the funerals start happening with some regularity.  Older members of your family that you don’t know real well except to see at family gatherings, start to die off.  That goes on for a little while usually tapering off when your grandparents die.  Then Death kinda takes a holiday from your life.  And about the time that you get comfortable with not getting a phone call from your parents telling you about this great-aunt or uncle that has passed away, you become a parent yourself and the worry starts all over again.

I remember so clearly when I had my son.  According to popular scientific data, if your child made it to 18 months they were pretty safe from SIDS.  Just about the time that my son turned 18 months and I thought I could cut out the numerous trips to his room at night to check on him….they upped the age to 2 years old. Ugh !!!  But once you’ve had a child, you never ever stop worrying over them.  What accident might take them.  Or what whacko would they run into being at the wrong place at the wrong time?  Then they start driving and it begins anew.   The stress alone is enough to send you to your own grave.  But somehow you make it through.  And if you’re blessed, so do your children.

The next phase is losing your own parents.  I was totally prepared for my Mom’s death.  She was ill for a few years and we all expected her to go before Dad.  But he passed away from cancer so quickly and unexpectedly that it devastated me, as I’m sure it did my brother and sisters.  Then we lost Mom inside of three years after that.  One day you just wake up and you know what it might feel like to be an orphan.  You can never call for advice.  Or in the case of my Dad, I can’t call to tell him a dirty joke I’d just heard.  LOL

Then, if they have any siblings left, they start to go.  The leaves on the family tree start blowing away.  One generation disappears and leaves the next to carry on. 

And we all know what’s next.  Just what my friend Rob just went through.  Our generation starts to die.  If not our blood kin, then their spouses, or God forbid, their children.  And then us.  And Life comes full circle.  We’re back to trying to ignore Death.  And hoping that we don’t get that phone call, or worse yet….making that phone call.  Why can’t we be those kids again?  Where Death couldn’t touch us.  Because we were indestructible.  And we had no fear.

peace,

This might sound like a dumb thing to say……….especially at my age.  I mean, come on let’s face it.  If I were going to be pretty, it was kinda something I should have planned for long ago.  But I don’t really mean “pretty” pretty.  I mean pretty for me.  THAT kind of pretty.  Still confused?  Well, I have been for a little while.  But it dawned on me today while I was down in Venice, FL.  I was standing behind this lady, and I was admiring her earrings.  Then I noticed her rings.  Then her purse and shoes.  Then, I had that awful moment when I looked down at myself.  I had on an old pair of jeans that were too big (but comfortable), a pair of scuffed up loafers and a t-shirt.  No make up, my hair barely combed and pulled back in a convenient ponytail.  I did have on my favorite pair of silver hoop earrings, but I always wear them.  I was basically a slob.  Then I looked at my hands and my nails.  Ugh….that was really cringe-worthy.  I haven’t been to have my nails done in way over a year.  And I honestly can’t remember the last time I put make up on.  And that bothered me.  The whole 3 hour ride back, all I could think about was how things used to be.  I went to get my nails done every 3 weeks.  I wore rings and bought other cool pieces of jewelry.  On Friday or Saturday night I’d get all “dolled” up and hubby and I would go out for the evening.  What in the hell happened to me?  Well, I’ll tell you.  And I’ll tell you what I plan to do about it.

The catalyst for this whole thing was on Monday.  I’d gone to the neighborhood Goodwill store, just to see if they had a used couch that I wanted for the new place.  And they had a nice brown leather sofa that was just the right size.  I wanted it enough to ask the manager if they would consider lowering the price. (which they will in case you didn’t know.  It has to be on the floor for 7 days, and then they will start to lower the price in five dollar increments)  Anyway, it still wasn’t the price that I wanted it to be.  Then the manager asked me if I knew someone who was 55 or older.  Because if I did, they get a 10% discount everyday.  I said, “I’m 55″.  And he said that they would have to check my ID but that would have meant an extra ten bucks off.  I don’t know which I liked better….the ten bucks off, or the fact that he didn’t think I looked 55.  I think the latter.  I ended up not getting the couch, but that’s another story.  So after that, and then what I was thinking about on my drive home today, I realized that I really was lucky that I was aging pretty well.  And I should take better care of myself, and to make the most of the time that I have left to look good.

It isn’t hard to figure out what happened.  First, I got the second part-time job at the storage place.  That cut out us going out on Fridays and Saturdays mostly cause I just didn’t feel like it.  I didn’t feel like putting on makeup for the job, so I just drifted away from it.  Then I bought my horse.  And messing with a horse is not the most conducive to having long, manicured nails, so I cut them off.  Then we moved out to the mini-farm.  And all I did was clean, and paint, and take care of animals (which I loved, don’t get me wrong) but I couldn’t even take a bubble bath out there because the water was SO awful.  I just stopped doing the girlie things that made me feel pretty.  Well, that’s all going to change.

Since I’m moved in to this awesome place, and I’m away from all the dust, and dirt and sand and filth of the slum farm, and since all the animals are gone (but God how I wish Casey were still here) so I don’t have to rush home to let anything out to use the bathroom, or feed on a schedule,  I can start doing some things for myself again. The place that I live has an excellent workout room, and there are a ton of classes I can take here like: yoga, pilates….you name it.  I have my tanning bed here so I can start using that as well as go to the pools, so that is my plan.  And since I have to quit the storage place job before school starts in May, perhaps I will look good enough again for my husband to take me out….LOL  He would anyway, but maybe I’ll actually feel like getting “dolled up” again.  Yep….I’m gonna get pretty.  Again.

peace,

Current Mood: Happy

And the ad said, “Will work with tenants on their deposit”.  That was great news to us.  My husband had just gone back to work driving a truck and we were starting to get caught up with some bills that we had.  I’d been boarding my horse at some really nice people’s ranch, but I wasn’t getting to spend too much time with him.  We thought that there was a chance that we could lose our really nice house because of the banking fiasco and mortgages doubling, so I saw a chance for us to escape that possibility and have my horse with me.  We were going to go “back to our roots”.  Well, my roots anyway.  I’d grown up on a farm and wanted to get back to having a garden and a few chickens and riding a horse again.  My husband is basically a city boy who likes to ride his Harley, but we wanted to be out in the country and away from the oppressive HOA and all the things that living in the city entailed.  So when I saw that the landlord was willing to take a few payments to catch up the deposits along with the rent, in exchange for doing some of the cleaning of the property, I jumped at the opportunity.  I jumped WAY too fucking fast.  Although the property itself was perfect for the horse, and there was a barn that my husband could use for a shop the house was a disaster.  It was roach infested and there was mold from a leaking roof.  And so much garbage and trash from the people before us that I knew I’d better have a strong constitution in order to tackle it.  But I did.  And the landlord didn’t have to wait for a dime.  I handed over first, last and damage deposit in two weeks time.  And she promised to get the roof fixed, and the plumbing issue fixed, and the rust encrusted water fixed.  It took 2 months to get the roof right.  But that was OK because I was busy cleaning and painting, and scrubbing and looking forward to when we could move in and start “farmin”.  Fixing the roof was the last thing she did.  Oh sure, someone would come to check the well, and someone came to check the plumbing.  And did I mention that the whole floor in the kitchen was rotten and it was almost like walking on a mattress?  They had laid new linoleum over the rotten floor.  And it was OK until we moved in our appliances and actually started to walk on it that we began to tell something was wrong.   So, finally I’d had enough of her lies.  And enough of feeling like we were her personal ATM.  I told her we were leaving.  That was right after I gave her December’s rent.  And there wasn’t going to be any more coming.

  Then January came, and 2013 started out horribly.  I had found out in December that my dog Casey had a very aggressive tumor.  So each day with him was precious to me.  My husband had heard from the bank on the house, and they wanted to see about a re-structure to the loan.  But that would take 90 days and they would be checking to see that we were living there.  Well, I had refused to live there again. I hated the house because it was his ex-wife’s house and I wanted something of our own.  So we decided that he would move back there and we would see where everything was at the end of the 90 days.  That meant I needed to find a place to live.  And get rid of all my animals.  The chickens sold very quickly.  And no wonder, I’d priced them about a third of what they were worth.  I knew I’d never find anywhere to live that would let me have two dogs (even if one was dying) because the other one was too big for the size requirements of most 55+ mobile home parks.  So I had to scramble to find a home for my bulldog Pebbles.  I contacted the woman who I had been fostering for, and she just couldn’t be bothered.  She didn’t have enough room and every other excuse under the sun.  So I placed an ad and held my breath.  I’d tried it once before and got a looney tune.  I ended up going to the girls house the next morning to get the dog back, so I was really leery about the experience.  But I got a call from a woman named Tracy and I took Pebbles over to meet the family and they all fell in love.  I cried because I was so happy. I needed the good news.  Then, a couple of days later my world crashed when Casey died in my arms.  I didn’t think I’d be able to stop crying.  It is still very raw for me, but each day is a tiny bit better.  Then I had to place an ad for my horse.  Plenty of people emailed about him, and a couple came to see him.  But when it came down to it, he didn’t sell.  Then, I get contacted by the same bitch I had bought him from.  The same one that I had fostered Pebbles for.  And she wanted him back.  Just WANTED him.  As in for free wanted him.  Are you fucking kidding me?  I paid almost a thousand dollars for him and she wanted him back for free?  Some humans are made up entirely of NERVE.  Needless to say, I let her know that wasn’t going to happen.   A friend of mine came out tonight and I’m giving Lucah to her.  She has two other horses and she loves animals so I know he will get a good home.  Again, I’m losing money, but it’s worth it to know where he is and I can go see him whenever I want.  She’s also a tenant at the storage place I work so I’ll see her often enough to hear about how he’s doing. 

This week was also good because I found a place in a 55+  park that is just absolutely gorgeous.  And they have everything I could possibly want.  Pools, exercise rooms, clubhouse, clubs of all kinds, bingo, even a dog park and a marina. It’s gated and just beautiful.  They take care of the yard.  And I own the place.  All it needed was a little clean up and new carpet.  And that’s being installed on Tuesday.  Take a look at this darling little place.         And it’s all mine.  And I won’t tell you what it cost, but it was less than what I paid for my horse !!!  It’s two bedrooms, two baths with a large shop/shed.  And because it was classified as a “fixer-upper”, I got 3 free months of lot rent.  I love it.  We moved alot of my stuff today, and will do the rest on Wednesday after the carpet is done on Tuesday.  I couldn’t be more excited.  Oh, and here’s the last little bit of news that is just the cherry on the top of the sundae.  As you know, I’m an Air Force Vet.  I’ve never asked my country for anything, but on the advice of someone, and on a lark, I put in for an educational program for veterans called the VRap program.  They only approve 45,000 a year for the program.  I heard last week that I was accepted.  What does this mean?  I will be going to school full-time and be paid 1500 a month to do it for a year.  Sweeeeeet !! School starts in May.  So the year really really started out bad.  Bad bad.  I haven’t been this sad and depressed in a long time.  But it’s now working out.  The Hubs and I will be living apart for a while.  But hell, we were doing that while he was on the road.  We sill talk every day and see each other every other day because of his new job here at home (that I helped get him), so it’s all working out.  I can honestly say that I thank God for all of this good fortune.  At my lowest, I prayed to find the strength and a way out of all of the darkness.  And He answered me.   How has your new year been so far?  LOL

peace,

 

 

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